February 28th, 2020 
Below is the Feedback given from professor for Final draft. Please let me know if you are up for the task.
I really enjoyed reading your outline. You have many good points here. And I like the general direction of the outline.
Here are a few things to consider when moving forward:
Thesis:
I’m not clear on what your thesis is here. You also need three subtopics (three body paragraphs). I see you writing about one champion teacher and then about school performance. These are two separate topics. You might want to be more specific as you move forward. You will want to choose one idea and then list the three subtopics that you want to discuss in the body of your paper. So the thesis would look something like: When teachers are champions for their students they help students by ___________, _____________, and ____________.
One you have this list, you can use each of the three topics to create a body paragraph. Each of the topics will be the start of one body paragraph.
Narrative elements:
A narrative has a setting, characters and a clear conflict. Each of your body paragraphs needs a narrative to back it up. Make sure to include yourself in the narrative. You are the central character of you own narrative! Narratives for essays this short should take place in a short time frame (a day, an hour). Even if you are talking about something that happened often, you need to find a specific example of the thing you are talking about, i.e. one day this happened. Also, each story needs lots of sensory details sights, sounds, tactile feeling, smells.
Each body paragraph and each story should forward your thesis the idea that you start with.
Grammar
Its always a good idea to get a second set of eyes on ones writing. Consider either taking your work to a tutor at school or to a friend you trust to read your work.
If you have any questions please write back. I look very forward to reading your paper!
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